The Most Dangerous Tools You Need When Sharing Your Faith
Basic People Skills
People have rules just like music has rules. With music, we call these rules “music theory.”
The better at music theory you become the more able you are to sit at an instrument, like a piano, and play a piece of music even if you’ve never played this piece before.
People are the same. They have theory. And if you know “people theory” well enough you will be able to connect with anyone, anywhere, at any time.
Before you talk with someone you must first understand what people theory is.
Do to Others: Negative
If you are ever confused about what a person wants in a conversation, simply ask yourself: “How do I want others to treat me?”
If you would be annoyed by someone coming up to you telling you how much of a sinner you are and that you’re going to hell unless you subscribe to their specific religion, then it’s safe to say that others will probably feel the same way if you did it to them.
If you would enjoy having someone come up to you handing you $50 then it’s safe to say that someone else might feel the same way as well.
You will find you know exactly how to approach most people. You just need to look within!
Look Within
Instead of telling you what people like or dislike, I’m going to first have you draw from within yourself the information that we all have in common.
- If someone were to tell you about their religious beliefs that you don’t currently believe, how could they do it in a way that would greatly offend you?
- If someone were to invite you to a religious event that you might not necessarily know anything about, what about their invitation would really make you disinterested in going?
- If someone were to try and share with you their faith or start a conversation about it, what would likely get you into an argument or motivate you to walk away?
- If someone were to approach you on the street while you were with friends or with your date, how could they come across as annoying and make you wish they would just go away?
- If someone were to try anything to start a conversation with you, what would be the number one thing they shouldn’t do?
The reason why I asked you in this way, as to what would offend you is because we don’t always know what we want, but we usually know what we don’t want.
I want you to daydream of these situations.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and just let yourself get hammered by a bad evangelist.
A Moment in the Shoes of a “Sinner”
Think of the absolute worst way someone could share Jesus with you and try to realize the negative feelings you might have in that situation.
- Maybe you had an actual experience, or maybe you need to get creative and imagine a scenario.
- Make a list of how this person (in your mind or someone in real life) shared with you and how badly it made you feel.
- Maybe it's a friend or family member that refuses to associate with you until you agree with them on some point.
- Or maybe it's someone you look up to, maybe a leader of some sort, which speaks down to you because you don't believe what they believe.
- Perhaps it's a stranger that gets completely belligerent or obnoxious with you and all you ever did was acknowledge them.
Whatever happens in this scenario, record what they did. Once you have that list you can then refer to it for what NOT TO DO...ever.
It doesn’t take a lot of work to know how to offend someone or turn them off from wanting to hear what you have to say.
The trick is simply to put yourself in their shoes.
Record at least three things they do.
1.Describe:
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How did it make me feel?
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2.Describe:
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How did it make me feel?
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3.Describe:
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How did it make me feel?
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Do to Others: Positive
Now that you have a general sense of what not to say or do, the flipped side of the coin is also easy to figure out.
Just do the opposite of the negative and you’ll know what to do. Ask yourself the question:
- How could someone approach me in a way that I would enjoy?
- What would make me think that I had just heard good news?”
Our goal as evangelists is really to leave the person with the idea that there is Good News for them.
Basic People Skills “Quickies”
Basic people theory consists of a few rules. Follow these rules and people will follow you. Here are the Do's and Dont's of People Theory:
- Don't: One-Up, Showboat, Brag, Intimidate, or Belittle
No one likes a bragger, especially if it’s someone they don’t already know.
If you come across as “Holier than thou” you are going to ensure they lock their door on you before you even knock.
In other words if while you are sharing the other person gets the impression that you think you are better than them neither you nor your message will be welcome.
- Do: Active Listening
You are sharing a message but that doesn’t mean you have to do all the talking.
Asking questions is a great way to have someone open up to you.
There is an art to listening however. Don’t do what most people do and hear without listening. These people might be allowing the other person to talk but the only thing on their mind is what they plan on saying next.
They’re not actually hearing what the other person is saying.
Listen with every part of your being. That means keeping eye contact, keeping an open posture to them not with arms crossed – this signals “I'm guarding myself from you”.
Nodding your head and making gestures that you hear them like, “Ah I see, uhhuh, wow, really?” makes them feel you are following along.
Staring off into the distance, avoiding eye contact, crossing your arms, facing your body in the other direction, and your face looking disinterested are all likely to give them the signals that you are not interested in them.
The more interested you are in them, the more interested they will be in you.
- Don't: Monopolize Their Time
Do not hog all their time especially if you’re both not in the position to have a long conversation.
Friends and family might be more willing to hear what you’re saying and might even want to take things into a discussion.
People that do not know you however, might already be suspicious of you and are not likely wanting to give you much of their time; especially if you approach them in the
wrong way.
I’ll be sharing of proper approaches later on. Be sensitive of their time and watch for their body language to see if you have permission to continue talking.
Shifting eyes, feet, and hands are good indicators they want you to leave. Distant looks and a turned away body are indicators they aren’t listening.
Knowing how you're going to start the conversation and what the conversation is going to be about, before the conversation even starts is going to help you watch your time.
- Do: Have Confidence
Hold yourself as someone others would want to talk to. This means looking nice, smelling nice, smiling, being friendly, and standing with confidence having chest out and chin high.
You're not looking to appear like Captain America, you simply want to present yourself as a person who has confidence and a good attitude.
There are two types of people:
- those who have confidence and those who don't
- and both of these types of people like to be around other confident people
And consider this: God trusted His greatest invitation to mankind in your hands. That means He trusts you for some reason.
You can be confident in Him that He will use you greatly if you make yourself available for it.
Remember you have the gift of life. You have what people are looking for even if they don’t know it.
Not only that, the life you have is also looking for them because the life you have is Jesus.
Don’t be ashamed of the message. It is the power of God for the salvation of those who believe!
- Don't: Confront, Correct, or Challenge When It's Not Important for the Moment
Challenging and confronting are fun in sports but not in conversations.
What happens when you are playing on a sports team and the other team is engaging you? You go on the defense.
The same goes for conversations and evangelism. We naturally defend or excuse ourselves when we feel challenged.
Even if we know we are wrong. But we would rather tell ourselves that we are wrong than to have someone else do it.
There is a saying, “A man forced against his will is of the same opinion still.”
When you start telling people what to do or that they are wrong in their opinions, they are going to get defensive and the conversation or friendly feelings are likely to halt from there on.
This doesn't mean that there is not a time and place for correcting someone properly but do so only when it's important and do it softly for their pride is delicate.
And if you ever need to correct someone, be humble. Remember the grace others have shown you when you were messing up.
Keep in mind as well it is Holy Spirit that ultimately convicts of sin and righteousness. It's not your job to be Holy Spirit in the flesh.
Here's what I mean: there is a difference between, “You’re a drunk and you’re going to hell unless you stop,” and “What you’re doing is hurting yourself and your family, but God can help you out of this if you give it to Him.”
It’s the goodness of God that leads man to repentance. Bring that to the conversation with you.
- Do: Survive an Argument
The best way to survive an argument is to avoid it. The second best way to survive an argument is to understand its purpose, which is: to learn.
Debating gets you nowhere but discussions can.
If you know what you believe and become generally interested in what they believe, you might just learn something about yourself, them, or perspective in general.
The key is to know why you believe what you do. Testimony is good, but even the atheist has a testimony. Get educated in what you believe.
Then once you’ve shared, you can question them about their beliefs. If you learn to ask the right questions, you’ll quickly see the conversation turn in your favor.
I teach you these questions as well give you answers you can use later on.
- Don't: Force the Conversation
You will find that some people just aren't ready to talk about these issues and that's okay.
If they're not interested, just keep loving them and living your faith authentically.
They are watching you and everything you say and do will be held against you in their assessment if they want to know the Jesus you serve or not.
You just might be the only bible they ever read.
Knowing this, realize that God doesn't reach out and punch people to get their affection.
He doesn't force Himself, He woo's just like you did when you tried to get your sweet heart to fall in love with you.
Forcing yourself on others in relationships is called assault or rape. Why is it any different in evangelism?
If you start asking questions and you feel like you're only getting one-word answers and you're knocking on a door that won't open, just change the conversation or move on to the next person.
You've got nothing to prove, you're just the messenger. Pushing on them is only going to push you away.
- Do: Leave the Choice up to them (A.K.A don't force the “close”)
Don't feel you have to “close the deal” by getting them to acknowledge a faith claim in Jesus. If they want Jesus they'll make it known.
You can ask them but don't feel pressured to pressure them.
When talking about receiving Jesus I phrase it this way,
- “I've got two questions for you: if you were being offered this gift of life (Jesus and salvation) right now, what is the number one thing stopping you from accepting it?”
Let them think a little on this.
Usually people say “nothing” or they remain silent.
- “Second question: if you were being offered this gift right now, would you receive it?”
Usually those who want Jesus will say yes but many times they might not audibly say anything.
It is at this point you might be tempted to push a little but don't, it's none of your business.
They'll let you know if they want you to know.
I then end the conversation like this, “Listen you don't have to answer these out loud, I don't get anything for you saying yes or no so you don't have to answer me. This is for yourself. For those of you who did say yes, then good news: you got it. The Bible says whoever calls on Jesus will be saved.” (Romans 10:13)
I've literally had people tell me, "You know if someone presented this to me like this before I would have become a Christian a long time ago..."
The Point of All This
Let me emphasize that our goal is not to get people to become Christians. Our goal is the same goal Holy Spirit has: to introduce people to who Jesus really is and to display to them what He's done for them.
Our goal in sharing with others is not to make converts but
- to spread the good news - Mark 16:15
- and to make disciples - Matthew 28:19
Disciples can only be made out of people who are willing to follow and I believe that people would be willing to follow if they really knew the truth and person of Jesus - of what He gave up for us out of love and how much He really does love us.
This is why in everything we do, we do it with love and patience and consideration and truth, etc., just like God does with us. Because how we represent ourselves in our conversations and witness with others is an expression of the type of God we serve.
Are people attracted to the Jesus you are talking about? It's probably going to come down to how to represent Him.
What are your thoughts?
Comment below what's been working or not working for you when starting conversations with people? Or which one of the tools above did you relate with the most? We totally want to hear!