Starting The Conversation On Faith

What You Need to Know First

This could be the hardest part for many of you - that initial walking across the room and saying something.

It could be just as nerve wracking as it was when you were at your first school dance and saw that cute person standing across the gym.

Did you talk to them?  If so, aren’t go glad?! If not, don’t you regret not doing it?!

Even if it went badly, at least you know. You’re not haunted with that “what could have happened.”

Maybe this doesn’t apply to a dance scenario for you but for something else. Either way the principle is true: at least you know.

Before we get into the techniques, here are some guarantees:

• You’re not going to feel like doing this

Somewhere along the way in our culture, most of us have been conditioned to fear being rejected.

This is the main hang up you have. You fear walking over to them and having them reject you.

It’s painful. It’s happened to all of us. But what happened afterwards? Did you die?

Obviously not if you’re reading this. Really, the worst thing that can happen is they say “no.”

Even if they say it aggressively, it’s not the end of the world. And if they do, pray for them because its obvious their issues are bigger than you wanting to talk to them about Jesus.

If you’re reading this and you’re in North America somewhere, chances are NO is all you’re going to get.

Perhaps somewhere else in the world you could put yourself in danger doing this, but as of now Canada and America are still safe-zones for Christianity.

• You’re going to feel stupid

This likely will be on account of you stepping out of your comfort zone (which is rooted in the first point).

Just because you feel stupid doesn’t mean you are stupid or that you even look stupid.

Unless of course you do something stupid – which is still okay. All that’s going to do is lead you to a quick no.

Learn from the mistake and move on. Don’t worry about their eternal destination right now – God can get them another way.

But really, I’m saying all this to encourage you that you’re going to feel stupid, but it’s only going to be for the first few seconds until you get dialogue going.

If you follow the basic people skills and you know who you are in Christ and are able to talk intellectually then you’re going to be fine.

This feeling is rooted in the desire to be admired and accepted and talking to someone about potentially hot topics makes you vulnerable to being thought of otherwise.

You might not be consciously aware of that but unconsciously you probably are which is likely what’s causing you to feel awkward.

Don’t worry about it and just push through that.

• You’re going to walk away with a great story

Whether it goes good or bad you are going to get a great story out of it. It’ll either be a crash and burn and something funny to joke about later when you pull yourself up.

Or it’s going to be an encouragement to you on how well they received it.

Be a collector of stories because at the end of your life, you’re either going to have these stories or you won’t.

Don’t get to the end regretting not having crossed the room to start the conversation. I’m glad you’re here and are willing to start the journey. We’re here to help.

Now that we’ve gone through the three guarantees here are some great ways to start the conversation.

Regardless of which people group you’ve picked, these opening questions work on everyone:

• So where do you go to church?

The funny thing is you know they likely don’t. But that’s the point because it as a follow up question: “really, you don’t go to church?! How interesting. Tell me about that.”

You’ve just gotten into a spiritual-based conversation without any pressure on you or them.

You’ve just asked them to share their story; something everyone loves doing. Let them do their talking and if they’re a good conversationalist they’ll likely return the question to you.

• Hey, I got a question I always love asking people because I always get different answers. What would you say are your spiritual beliefs or worldview? God/no God? If there’s a God, which God? Etc.”

The basic follow up question to whatever the answer is of course is, “Why? Tell me about that.”

Again, you’re getting them to share their story and they’ll likely return the question.

These two questions are great for starting the conversation in non-evasive ways. If they only give you one-word answers or no answer at all, then it’s evident that they’re likely someone not willing to have a conversation about it.

If that’s the case, there’s nothing you can do about it without aggravating them.

If this is someone that you frequently see then you can try again at a later time with something like, “Hey, the other day when I asked you that question I got the feeling you don’t like that topic. Why is that?”

This allows you to get a little bit of their story. If someone has such a strong distaste towards spiritual conversations, it’s likely they were hurt by it somehow.

At that point you can address their hurt or you can move on and pray for them at a distance. Just keep loving them.

Once you’re in the conversation, keeping it heading in that direction isn’t that hard either but it does require a bit more strategy if you’re going to do anything positive.

That doesn’t mean you have to know everything or even that you have to do all the talking.

In fact, it’s almost better if you let them do most of the talking (so long as it’s in the direction you want it to go for evangelism sake).

To do both at once, stick to the Three Dangerous Questions:

• What do you mean by that?

This keeps a person talking of course but it also gets them to be a little bit more clear.

Sometimes people say they believe something but when they must explain it, it becomes obvious they don’t know what they’re talking about.

You can ask this question all day and it’s likely the other person is going to unravel themselves and they’ll have nothing to stand on – at which point puts you in a good position to offer something better. i.e., Jesus.

• How did you come to that conclusion?

This is a good follow up question to the first because sometimes people hold strong beliefs about something that is based on nothing.

“Oh, I saw zeitgeist.” Really?

Or, “I heard it from a friend/mom/teacher” etc.

Usually the response is another explanation of what they think they believe, but just ask the question again until they answer this one.

In my experience most of the time they come back with “I don’t know actually.”

• If Christianity were true…would you believe it?

This is a very dangerous question because it reveals what their true pursuit is: truth, or other.

I’ve asked this to many people who’ve responded with “nope…”

That shows me that they’re not actually interested in finding truth but sticking with something that makes them comfortable.

Which is okay, that’s their right. But now you know that this is a person that is likely only going to be influenced by your relationship with them; not your philosophy.

If this is the case, your argument for Christianity is only going to hold weight if they like you.

If they answer “yes” to this question, then you can either explain it to them the way you know how or offer them some resources.

Conclusion

Get good at those questions and you'll find that not only starting the conversation will become easier, but so will navigating your wait through them.

It is a wise idea as well to have a pretty standard knowledge of why you believe what you do, in the case that someone asks you.

But if you are ever caught off guard by a question you don't know how to answer, it's fair game to tell them so. "Hey that's a good questions. I don't actually know. Can I get back to you on that one?"

If you have the liberty to continue the conversation with them make sure you get the answer quick so as not to give the impression you don't want to talk about it (or the impression that there is no answer).

If you won't likely see them again, simply thank them for the question. "You know what, that's a good question. Thanks for giving me that perspective."

What are your thoughts?

Comment below what's been working or not working for you when starting conversations with people? Or which one of the tools above did you relate with the most? We totally want to hear!

[cover photo from someecards.com]

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